Why the Flames?

Why the flames in background?

I chose flames because the sensations I get from this syrinx vary, but one of the predominant feelings is burning. Burning and electric shocks. Both have been fairly strong today. I hate looking like random appendages are going haywire. That slight look I get when I make people uncomfortable is a little unnerving at first.

Having a conversation generally helps. It goes something like this:

"Hi, sorry I'm making you feel uncomfortable."

"Um, hi. Do you want fries with that?"

"Yes, please. Oh, by the way, aliens have taken over my body. Pod people, man. Pod people." [Insert my arm, neck, or leg having a violent spasm].

"Do you want to supersize your order for twenty seven point nine cents more?"

This is the place in the conversation when my brain returns from registering the weird sensation that just caused my body to do the strange muscle spasm-tick dance on my left side. I hand the nice young man my credit card and nod because we're both flustered.

Ok, I'm making up the dialog and the aliens. It does make for a more rational explanation for why my body is going haywire than saying, "Oh, no, I don't want to supersize. By the way, I have a cyst inside my spine. Have a great day."

A simple nod and eye contact can take the awkward look away. I don't talk about pod people or aliens or spines, at least not out loud. I hope I don't actually say it out loud. I'm pretty sure I don't. I think I only have these discussions with my friends, those people who know I have vampires and werewolves and whatnot living in my head, so aliens aren't exactly a stretch.

Flames and electricity are such bizarre sensations that they are the closest way to describe what this syrinx does to me.

I took a brief walk today before I realized it was hot enough to melt candles and people and whatnot. Then, THEN the jolts started in my left leg and foot. This was the first time I had jolts that were entirely independent of the neck/arm/shoulder jolts.

But hey, I can still walk. I can walk, although now it hurts to walk and I limp. I am convinced this is how the aliens mark their prey. They catch people the first time around and have a little fun with cattle prods. Then, when they actually get hungry or want to conduct medical experiments, they can find us easily because we limp from the first go-round.

Yep, that's it. That's the reason all this crazy, random stuff is happening to me.

That, or I'm supposed to learn something from all of this. I'm trying. I really am.

I think I have learned to still appreciate that I got to go on a walk. And eat ice cream. And go shopping at a big box discount store without requiring the use of a scooter or any other assistive device.

And I'm still able to type, blog, and work on other writing. Just a second ago, when I got a jolt of fire into my foot, I had to stop typing for a few minutes because the pain made my vision go blurry until the electricity stopped. This one was burning electricity, not anything that induced limb movement.

I shall be grateful that my vision came back from being blurry.

I smell a metaphor or imagery here. Does pain ultimately make me see more clearly? Is that what I'm supposed to learn? Perhaps. Time will tell I guess. Perhaps taking nighttime meds will give me greater perspective on the grander scheme behind all this.

Peace and hugs,
Jen