What Does It Mean For Life To Be Straight?

One often hears about the "straight and narrow." These trees are straight and narrow, yet they are all over the place. Today's thoughts are, of course, about my back. Was I really born with this syrinx or did it recently happen? Can I ever visit a chiropractor again? Can I make myself sit up straight in a chair? The physical therapist seems to think this is quite essential. The lumbar pillow I have is driving me nutty at work. I can't get used it it. Driving with it isn't too bad, but sitting at my desk all day with it at work is a challenge.

And then there is the important question. If I do all these things: the physical therapy, the medication, the posture stuff, etc., will these bizarre sensations ever stop? Will I ever be free of the anxiety that I'm going to have crazy muscle spasms?

I'm thinking that there is a lot to these things going on with me. Maybe I'll never know the answer. Maybe I'm not supposed to know the answer. Instead, I'll look to the design of these trees and reflect upon the very real possibility that I may have to just trust that everything will be okay. The situation with my body may never fully straighten out.

Contrast

My MRI with contrast came back showing no tumors, as I mentioned in yesterday's post. I will need to go back in another 6 months to have another one done to make sure there still aren't tumors.

My mood today has been one of extreme contrast too. I'm happy there are no tumors, but I have anxiety about what is going on with me.

I wish I knew the cause, especially when my medicine wears off and I start the jolts/spasms/twitches all over again. I'm tired today.

But, I don't think I'm supposed to know the cause yet or I would already know it. Trust. I must tell myself to trust. Trust God. Trust the doctors. Trust my own knowledge of my limitations.

Of course, I saw contrast a lot today too. The following were from my drive home. I left work somewhat early because today is my husband's birthday.

Today's lesson, I think, is patience. I'll know when I'm supposed to know. In the meantime, I'll just need to learn to weather it out.

The other lesson is that I can't ignore God anymore. He's everywhere. I ran away from Him for a long time. But, as these images show, He's made Himself hard for me to ignore. I felt like the sky was opening up with brightness. I had to pull my car over to watch. The tug at me was too strong to continue driving without stopping.

Peace and hugs,
Jen