Shakes, No Shakes

This past weekend was very good in some respects and very difficult in other respects. Saturday was the day that was both the hardest and easiest. On one hand, my husband and I took a little day trip to eat out in Dickson, TN. On the other hand, my body decided to go haywire on me. I had several very strong spasms/jerks/jolts while I was eating out. This made me very tired. It caused 4 hours of shaking on my entire my left side after the jolts stopped.

I had been taking tons of pictures, but that stopped for the day.

There were things I wanted to do in Dickson that we didn't get a chance to do because I became much too tired to do much of anything. Walking from the one museum we went to back to our car was the proof to me that I simply needed to go home. Even sitting a cafe to drink a cup of decaf and talk to my hubby would have been too much.

The feeling of defeat at my own body is maddening.

But, it is humbling too. I have limitations. Sometimes they are placed where I expect them to be, and other times they are placed smack dab before me without any warning.

After the little day trip, I slept for almost 14 hours straight.

Today, I went to church, then to work for a few hours. I only worked for a fraction of the time I had expected to work. This was partly because I found lots of beautiful things to take in with my camera since my hands weren't shaking. It was also partly because I am still very, very tired.

I only had a handful of spasms/jolts today, but the ones I have had have made me stop and let myself become tired and not fight the fatigue.

So, this weekend's blog post is about the different moods I have been in. These are all pictures I took yesterday or today.

Peace and hugs,

Jen

P.S. I have been asked by a few people what model of camera I have. I take all of these pictures with my phone. I don't use a special camera. Just a Droid 1. Nothing with a zoom lens or anything. I simply take pictures of what I see around me with my phone.

What I Have Done Today: Hands, A Short Story

The full version of Hands is available on Smashwords right now and will be available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, iTunes, etc. shortly. Check out Hands here.

A Preview:

I
I am of the earth but I do not remember being a part of it, for I awoke one day as a block of clay, as I am now. I am happy to be a block of clay. I am whole. I am solid. I am firm. I know what I am, and I am content with my lot. I have been dug out of the earth to breathe the air and exist in the dark, quiet room.

II
Light floods my eyes. It is the first time I have seen. His hands are on me, taking me to a place do not know, and I am afraid. I cannot keep my eyes open, for there is too much light at first. At first.

At first, I panic.

"Where are you taking me, Hands?"

His hands do not speak. Instead, they hold me.

We travel together to a different place. It is another one I do not know. It is dimmer here. It is fresh here. It is clean here, but it smells of me. Of clay.

I am afraid.

"Hands, what is this place?"

His hands do not speak.

I am being violated now. His hands touch me. Everywhere. Water bathes me, and I am slimy, filthy, and not myself. I am being handled, smoothed, and cut.

"Hands, please don't do this."

His hands do not speak.

"Oh, no. No. Not the wire. Do not cut me with the wire. I will do whatever you ask, Hands, but please do not cut me again with that horrible wire."

His hands do not speak.

I am cut into pieces with the wire until I am but a fraction of what I once was. I hate the Hands for hurting me.

III

His hands take me to the center of the room. I am again violated. I am spun until I am so dizzy that I cannot focus on anything.

"Hands, why are you doing this to me?"

Rather than being solid and firm, I am now hollowed out. His hands have touched every part of me, and I am sure the Hands are finished abusing me.

"Hands, what is that metal thing?"

His hands do not speak.

Unlike the wire, this metal does not slice through me completely, but it might as well. His Hands dig the metal into the outside of me, the entire outside of me, until I can stand it no longer.

"Hands, please don't do this any longer. This metal..."

I pause because he is hurting me so badly with the metal that I have a difficult time speaking.

"This metal that you dig into my sides is unbearable. I do not bleed, for I am Clay, but if I could bleed from this, I would surely have no blood left from all that you are doing to me. Why are you digging these hurtful scars into my sides? Don't you care that you're hurting me?"


His Hands speak. "Patience. I am almost finished with this part."

I cry out, unable to take anymore. His hands have a voice, yet he has been silent as I have begged him to stop hurting me? How could the Hands listen to me and say nothing all this time?

"With this part? Hands, tell me. Please tell me that you don't mean to hurt me any longer." There cannot be another part. I cannot bear there to be another part. I don't understand how the Hands can willfully continue to hurt me. I hate his Hands for hurting me.

IV

His Hands finish with the metal scarring tool. They now paint me from top to bottom and then also on the inside where I have been hollowed. The brush tickles while it is inside my hollowed part. When it is on the outside and painting many colors onto my sides, I do not feel the brush. When the paint seeps into where I have fresh scars, I cry out. The paint burns me.

"Hands, please stop painting. Don't you realize how badly I am hurting? If you understood, surely you wouldn't continue to do these things to me."

His hands do not speak.

"Why aren't you answering me, Hands? I'm speaking to you. I know you can hear me and that you can answer me."
I hate the Hands for hurting me, but I hate them more for staying silent when I know they can speak and at least explain why they are hurting me.

His hands dip a new brush into another color and continue painting me. One of the Hands holds onto and caresses me lightly inside, where I am hollowed. Where the Hand holds me, the paint smudges a little. The other one of the Hands holds the brush and paints the new color on my outside.

His Hands are finished with the brush and paint. Finally, I am finished.

But I am wrong. I am far from finished.