Shakes, No Shakes

This past weekend was very good in some respects and very difficult in other respects. Saturday was the day that was both the hardest and easiest. On one hand, my husband and I took a little day trip to eat out in Dickson, TN. On the other hand, my body decided to go haywire on me. I had several very strong spasms/jerks/jolts while I was eating out. This made me very tired. It caused 4 hours of shaking on my entire my left side after the jolts stopped.

I had been taking tons of pictures, but that stopped for the day.

There were things I wanted to do in Dickson that we didn't get a chance to do because I became much too tired to do much of anything. Walking from the one museum we went to back to our car was the proof to me that I simply needed to go home. Even sitting a cafe to drink a cup of decaf and talk to my hubby would have been too much.

The feeling of defeat at my own body is maddening.

But, it is humbling too. I have limitations. Sometimes they are placed where I expect them to be, and other times they are placed smack dab before me without any warning.

After the little day trip, I slept for almost 14 hours straight.

Today, I went to church, then to work for a few hours. I only worked for a fraction of the time I had expected to work. This was partly because I found lots of beautiful things to take in with my camera since my hands weren't shaking. It was also partly because I am still very, very tired.

I only had a handful of spasms/jolts today, but the ones I have had have made me stop and let myself become tired and not fight the fatigue.

So, this weekend's blog post is about the different moods I have been in. These are all pictures I took yesterday or today.

Peace and hugs,

Jen

P.S. I have been asked by a few people what model of camera I have. I take all of these pictures with my phone. I don't use a special camera. Just a Droid 1. Nothing with a zoom lens or anything. I simply take pictures of what I see around me with my phone.

Put Your Left Arm in and Shake it All About

I almost didn't have any weird shaking/spasms/jolts today. Almost. My body behaved for most of the day and then kind of went nutso later on. Strange, strange sensations. It's not quite the hokey pokey, but I had to laugh at these leaves. They are playing the hokey pokey for me.

Today's quest for beauty started with my job. These flowers are from the desk of my co-worker who sits next to me. Beauty is all around us, within us, and here to help us with our struggles. I love the color combination of these.

I went to physical therapy today. These are from outside the PT office. The manual traction felt good. I have a lot less pain after seeing her but still have the jolts.

The next few are from my cafe visit yesterday. I couldn't work them into yesterday's post.

And then there are the snails. I keep seeing them. This is today's snail. He got up on the rock and posed for me. Here's the conversation I had with the snail.

Me: "Man, oh man. I wish my spinal cord and whatnot would stop doing all this crazy stuff."

Mr. Snail: "Jen, at least you have a spine!"

Me: "Yeah, but I have all these bizarre sensations."

Mr. Snail: "Jen, I have to pull my house on my back everywhere I go. I don't have arms and legs. Give me a break, will ya? Don't complain, ok?"

Me: "You do have a point. Thanks, Mr. Snail."

Oh, the lessons to learn!

Peace and hugs,
Jen

Why the Flames?

Why the flames in background?

I chose flames because the sensations I get from this syrinx vary, but one of the predominant feelings is burning. Burning and electric shocks. Both have been fairly strong today. I hate looking like random appendages are going haywire. That slight look I get when I make people uncomfortable is a little unnerving at first.

Having a conversation generally helps. It goes something like this:

"Hi, sorry I'm making you feel uncomfortable."

"Um, hi. Do you want fries with that?"

"Yes, please. Oh, by the way, aliens have taken over my body. Pod people, man. Pod people." [Insert my arm, neck, or leg having a violent spasm].

"Do you want to supersize your order for twenty seven point nine cents more?"

This is the place in the conversation when my brain returns from registering the weird sensation that just caused my body to do the strange muscle spasm-tick dance on my left side. I hand the nice young man my credit card and nod because we're both flustered.

Ok, I'm making up the dialog and the aliens. It does make for a more rational explanation for why my body is going haywire than saying, "Oh, no, I don't want to supersize. By the way, I have a cyst inside my spine. Have a great day."

A simple nod and eye contact can take the awkward look away. I don't talk about pod people or aliens or spines, at least not out loud. I hope I don't actually say it out loud. I'm pretty sure I don't. I think I only have these discussions with my friends, those people who know I have vampires and werewolves and whatnot living in my head, so aliens aren't exactly a stretch.

Flames and electricity are such bizarre sensations that they are the closest way to describe what this syrinx does to me.

I took a brief walk today before I realized it was hot enough to melt candles and people and whatnot. Then, THEN the jolts started in my left leg and foot. This was the first time I had jolts that were entirely independent of the neck/arm/shoulder jolts.

But hey, I can still walk. I can walk, although now it hurts to walk and I limp. I am convinced this is how the aliens mark their prey. They catch people the first time around and have a little fun with cattle prods. Then, when they actually get hungry or want to conduct medical experiments, they can find us easily because we limp from the first go-round.

Yep, that's it. That's the reason all this crazy, random stuff is happening to me.

That, or I'm supposed to learn something from all of this. I'm trying. I really am.

I think I have learned to still appreciate that I got to go on a walk. And eat ice cream. And go shopping at a big box discount store without requiring the use of a scooter or any other assistive device.

And I'm still able to type, blog, and work on other writing. Just a second ago, when I got a jolt of fire into my foot, I had to stop typing for a few minutes because the pain made my vision go blurry until the electricity stopped. This one was burning electricity, not anything that induced limb movement.

I shall be grateful that my vision came back from being blurry.

I smell a metaphor or imagery here. Does pain ultimately make me see more clearly? Is that what I'm supposed to learn? Perhaps. Time will tell I guess. Perhaps taking nighttime meds will give me greater perspective on the grander scheme behind all this.

Peace and hugs,
Jen