Round Things are Good

I like this picture because it pretty much sums up the last month of my life. Lots of electricity, lots of fire, and lots of trying to keep myself centered, bright, sunny, and aligned.

Last night, I went to the store. I purchased a CD as an impulse buy and was all excited about it. It has been ages since I have bought a CD, both because of the advent of mp3s and because of life happening. I was excited to put it into iTunes and whatnot and then I stopped dead in my tracks.

In order to put the CD into iTunes so I could share the disk with my hubby but still have it in iTunes, I would have to eject the disk of my MRI showing my spine. I have ejected the MRI disk before. I took it to chiropractor, for example, and I will take it to the neurologist tomorrow to discuss it in detail, but I froze. Could I stop obsessing about the black and white pictures that have put a reason behind the tingling, pins and needles, spasms, ticks, pain, and sleepless nights long enough to put the new music into iTunes?

I ended up just taking the music CD into my car and called it a time crunch to go visit my friend who lives an hour away and has dogs and cats she offered up for me to pet. They do make me feel better. I recommend pet therapy.

I still have the CD of my MRI in my laptop, but since I have to take it out in order to bring it with me to the neurologist appointment tomorrow, I'm going to chew on this tonight. Stop obsessing over the damn pictures of my spine.

But how?

Since today was a good day, I'll try to stop obsessing by thinking about the fact that I only had tingling and pain. No electric jolts. No spasms. No ticks. I was able to go and visit my friend and then go and visit my family tonight. I heard some live music by way of a dear family member. I forgot about the disk for most of the day. I will try to do the same tomorrow.

Breathe.

Live and just breathe. I will tell myself this and hope it sticks like gum on the bottom of a sneaker minus the fuzzy stuff that inevitably gets picked up on the bottom of my shoe along the way.

Peace and hugs,
Jen

Why the Flames?

Why the flames in background?

I chose flames because the sensations I get from this syrinx vary, but one of the predominant feelings is burning. Burning and electric shocks. Both have been fairly strong today. I hate looking like random appendages are going haywire. That slight look I get when I make people uncomfortable is a little unnerving at first.

Having a conversation generally helps. It goes something like this:

"Hi, sorry I'm making you feel uncomfortable."

"Um, hi. Do you want fries with that?"

"Yes, please. Oh, by the way, aliens have taken over my body. Pod people, man. Pod people." [Insert my arm, neck, or leg having a violent spasm].

"Do you want to supersize your order for twenty seven point nine cents more?"

This is the place in the conversation when my brain returns from registering the weird sensation that just caused my body to do the strange muscle spasm-tick dance on my left side. I hand the nice young man my credit card and nod because we're both flustered.

Ok, I'm making up the dialog and the aliens. It does make for a more rational explanation for why my body is going haywire than saying, "Oh, no, I don't want to supersize. By the way, I have a cyst inside my spine. Have a great day."

A simple nod and eye contact can take the awkward look away. I don't talk about pod people or aliens or spines, at least not out loud. I hope I don't actually say it out loud. I'm pretty sure I don't. I think I only have these discussions with my friends, those people who know I have vampires and werewolves and whatnot living in my head, so aliens aren't exactly a stretch.

Flames and electricity are such bizarre sensations that they are the closest way to describe what this syrinx does to me.

I took a brief walk today before I realized it was hot enough to melt candles and people and whatnot. Then, THEN the jolts started in my left leg and foot. This was the first time I had jolts that were entirely independent of the neck/arm/shoulder jolts.

But hey, I can still walk. I can walk, although now it hurts to walk and I limp. I am convinced this is how the aliens mark their prey. They catch people the first time around and have a little fun with cattle prods. Then, when they actually get hungry or want to conduct medical experiments, they can find us easily because we limp from the first go-round.

Yep, that's it. That's the reason all this crazy, random stuff is happening to me.

That, or I'm supposed to learn something from all of this. I'm trying. I really am.

I think I have learned to still appreciate that I got to go on a walk. And eat ice cream. And go shopping at a big box discount store without requiring the use of a scooter or any other assistive device.

And I'm still able to type, blog, and work on other writing. Just a second ago, when I got a jolt of fire into my foot, I had to stop typing for a few minutes because the pain made my vision go blurry until the electricity stopped. This one was burning electricity, not anything that induced limb movement.

I shall be grateful that my vision came back from being blurry.

I smell a metaphor or imagery here. Does pain ultimately make me see more clearly? Is that what I'm supposed to learn? Perhaps. Time will tell I guess. Perhaps taking nighttime meds will give me greater perspective on the grander scheme behind all this.

Peace and hugs,
Jen